There's a couple kinks we need to work out...

OKCupid likes to try to be really helpful and suggest people that you may be interested in based on your likes, dislikes and your answers to those random questions I mentioned earlier. Sometimes they fail and they suggest people that I would never talk to and have no interest in every meeting in my entire life. I’d like to introduce you all to one of these individuals now:

Right! Glad you clarified!! I was starting to worry. And you know he will find someone out there who understands him...that person just isn't me.

I like to think I'm a very open minded and accepting person, but this is just something that I'm not really about…like at all. I’m sure he’s…fun?...nice?...maybe? I don’t know. 

OKCupid does a few things that I am trying to work around in order to demonstrate to the world that I am real person and that I understand, accept, and act in ways that are deemed socially acceptable.

1) They send you an email every time someone messages you, but they don’t include the person’s picture or any important information from their profile (i.e. height, interests, if they are Satanist…you know the norm)

Why this is uncomfortable:

It requires you to login and look at the person’s profile, which would be fine except for…(please see number 2)

2) They broadcast to the entire world when the last time you logged on was, down to the second.

This is uncomfortable because:

Before I get out of bed every morning for work at 7:15 AM I always check my email.  OKCupid send you the first couple of lines of the person’s message but you can almost never see the entire message (naturally) so it forces you to get online if you want to read the entire thing, which would be fine except for the fact that it’s currently 7:15 A.M. and it will broadcasted to all of OKCupid when I got online last. I just think being on OKCupid at 7:15 AM screams “DESPERATE DESPERATE I AM REALLY DESPERATE” or “I don’t have anything real to do with my life or time so here I am at 7:15 am”; when in reality it’s the complete opposite! I’m up at that terrible hour because I have a job and places to be. What time is socially acceptable to log on to your OKCupid?  I’ve decided it’s a safe bet to log on after 5:50 PM because that says “Hey potential suitors! I was busy all day, and then I came home and maybe watered my plants or let out my dog, and after all of that I got on here super casually because you know…NBD.”

(No worries all of these things will soon lead into the older white man travesty that occurred)

3) Every single time you view someone’s profile a little box appears in the bottom right hand side of their screen that says, “SoandSo just viewed your profile!”

This is only EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE because:

You click on someone’s profile and here’s what happens:

-“SoandSo just viewed your profile!”

-you go to click on pictures but accidentally click on OKCupid home button (because they are awkwardly close)

-you go back to their profile to start over

-“SoandSo just viewed your profile!”

-you’re more careful, you view and you’re ready to go!

-you go to respond to their message or send them a message but you can’t remember if they said they liked 30 Rock or The Big Bang Theory

-you go back to their profile to double check

-“SoandSo just viewed your profile!”

-REPEAT AWKWARDNESS

This person now knows that you went back and forth to their profile 3-4 times and it makes you look like a HUGE creep.

Some of you may be thinking, “Leigh you’re just overreacting! That’s NOT a big deal!” Well let me tell you it is. I have been the person who sees “SoandSo just viewed your profile!” pop up on the bottom of my screen 4 times and it’s weird. That only happens when the other person is online, when they're not online they still get a notification that you viewed their profile...

“Hey cutie. You like older white men?”

Uhm excuse me, what?  That was the message I received from an older white man on OKCupid (and by older I mean 40). First, I love old people! Anyone who knows me knows that, so at first I was like “HELLZ YA I DO!” then I got what he was actually asking and realized…this is tad bit awkward. Anyone who knows me also knows that people announcing their race or distinguishing me by mine makes me SUPER uncomfortable…also it’s just super weird. Anyhow I thought to myself after I got that message, “I love older white dudes, some of my best friends dads are older white dudes and I think they’re awesome! Papa Kiser, Mr. Gooding, and a slew of others” then I realized I don’t need another older white father and that made things awkward so I just kindly and quietly kept it moving.

Repeat offenders

So some of you may know this was not my first attempt at online dating. While on another site about a year ago I got 2 messages from the same guy about a months apart; I never responded because 1) “Hey, what u up 2?” 2) we had nothing in common. After closing that account about 5 months went by and someone convinced me to try OKCupid because it was “less dodgy” (right…we see how that’s going) after about a week I got a message from the SAME guy. I knew it was him because 1) “Hey, what u up 2?” 2) we still had nothing in common 3) REPEAT OFFENDERS DO NOT GET ACKNOWLEDGED, because they should be able to take a hint. As mean as that sounds it’s the truth, I would never continue to message someone who hadn’t messaged me back…because that would make things awkward (awkward is today’s blogs theme).

It’s been a rough ride.

Next time we’re all here together we’ll talk about more OKCupid functions that are slowly ruining my life and what’s in an OKCupid name and how does that affect my response rate.

xoxox

Leigh