It’s just all going so well and then BAM sadness and my
general lack of faith in our societies young men hit me like a ton of bricks,
or in this case: a ton of bad okcupid messages.
I have a very easy to understand policy when it comes to
meeting up with someone from OKCupid. My policy is a simple 3 strikes and
then you’re out.
Let’s talk about how my most recent almost date got abruptly
cancelled.
Strike 1:
He sent me 3 messages in a row. Now this may seem arbitrary
but even doubling up can sometime warrant you a strike, but tripling up?????
What are you trying to prove here? That you know how to use a computer? Let’s
just all take a chill pill and mellow out some. Sending me 3 messages is a
major strike.
[so far it’s only been one strike so it is safe to continue
chatting…just do so a little wearily]
Strike 2:
This should have been the icing on the cake, this should
have made up strikes 2 and 3 but I was trying to be open-minded! I was trying
to not judge people. After chatting for
a bit I received:
“Do you like to cuddle?”
Now mind you this was random and out of the blue, we hadn’t
been talking about cuddling (because why would we be?) and then just BAM! I
didn’t respond to this message, instead I fell asleep sad at the world for
giving a man too much courage that he felt bold enough to ask that.
Also, no. I freaking HATE cuddling. It is the bane of my existence. So…looks like
we were going to be at a standstill there anyhow.
[be a bit more concerned but know that they have 1 more strike]
Strike 3:
After chatting online we decided to exchange numbers. So
we’re texting and I’ve almost forgotten about strikes 1 and 2 because he seems so
normal and not weird and chill in a way that is cool. Then we get on the
subject of college basketball (which if you know me, you know that UNC
basketball is what I live for. I wake up every morning and pray that March
hurries up and gets here.)
Well, he doesn’t cheer for UNC…(this should have been strike
3 but I’ve been told I can’t strike based on who you cheer for…I disagree
but…). While he doesn’t cheer for Duke, he does cheer for Kansas…(if you know
anything about college basketball you know why this is almost just as awful in some
ways).
So we’re chit chatting about college basketball, it’s
lighthearted and funny and I’m almost looking forward to our date the next day!
Then he says, “well if we end up together we can buy one of those house divided
license plate tags haha.”
The world stopped. Time stood still.
I just looked at my phone. Then I looked around my
apartment. Then I looked at something else and then something else. Basically I
was trying to find anything to look at that wasn’t that message. I figured if I
looked around hard enough the text would disappear…it didn’t. “if we end up together”????? WE HAVE NEVER MET
BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. All I could say to myself was well…this is awkward.
He also said in casual conversation, "well down the road we can do this". DOWN WHAT ROAD?? What road? Where is that road? I'm not on a road. I'm in an airplane, in the sky as far away from a road as humanly possible.
My roommate said it best, “it just seems like he’s trying to
get married tomorrow and we’re NOT trying to get married tomorrow.”
So now I am stuck trying to find a super nice and casual way
to cancel my date…
While I didn't go on the date he seemed like a pretty ok guy, I'm just not trying to get married tomorrow.
I think 3 strikes is 2 strikes too many but I am trying to be a more open-minded and accepting person. I’ve been told I’m a little picky, but hey YODO (you only date once).
More soon.
xoxo,
L. Fairley
