Dear normal men: REVEAL YOURSELVES!

You know how everyone always throws out that foolish “you’ll find someone when you’re not even looking!” line? Ya, well those people are liars and I do not love them. I can’t find or stumble upon a normal man to save my life! Also, and I've said this before, but people seem to think that I am a funny person, I am not. I'm genuinely not, my life just tends to be a joke...like a huge lol, rofl joke, things happen in my life that can only happen to me, like no one else will ever experience these things because they are reserved for me. But I digress..let's talk about the most recent highlight in the joke that is my dating life:

It all begins with a story: 

About 2 weeks ago I was traveling for work. I was in Jacksonville, NC. When we got there all I wanted was a beer and sleep…and to see cute military guys, but that’s different story. But, instead of immediately falling asleep I decided to go to the gym and get my jog on! I was so proud of myself! So here I go strutting on down to the gym and I’m on the treadmill doing a quick brisk walk for a warm up and all of a sudden I see this guy. He walks past the gym door, then turns around stares at me through the glass then comes right on in. [I can already tell this isn’t going to end well] I’m still doing my warm up walk at this point and he comes in and gets on the treadmill right beside mine, I already know he’s not there to work out as he’s in flip-flops and cargo shorts. As he’s walking to the treadmill however he looks at me and says “O, I see you. You a dread head. Long hair don’t care, right?” I looked at him absolutely baffled beyond all comprehension and said “I’m not sure what you’re saying.” So he gets on the treadmill and pushes the “quick start” button, but chooses not to move his feet, so the treadmill starts moving but his feet do not, so he goes flying off the treadmill. And all I can do is turn around (while still warming up, because let’s be honest his idiocy will not affect my fit) and I ask “Uhm…are you ok?” and he just nods and hops back on.

This is where the story gets interesting:

1) I start jogging (interesting because if you know me, you know I don’t jog)

2) He’s standing on the sides of his treadmill staring at me…not walking or anything just standing on the sides looking…awkward…he soon launches into a host of questions. Here’s how our conversation goes:

Him: So where you from?

Me: I’m from the Chapel Hill/Durham area.

Him: O, Chapel Hill…there’s a school there right?

Me: Yes. UNC-Chapel Hill.

Him: O, you play basketball?

Me: No.

Him: Hmm…(he looks at me confusedly)

[let’s remember I’m jogging at this point]

Him: Ahh, Ok. So where you from from?

Me: I’m from the Greensboro/Winston Salem area.

[because there was no way I was telling that creepy random guy where I was “from from”]

Him: O, there’s a college there too, right? ECU, right?

Me: No. That’s Greenville.

Him: O, ok. Well Winston definitely has their own school. You ever been to DC?

Me: No, is that where you’re from?

Him: No.

Me:…

Him: I’m from California. I’m just visiting.

[Why he’s “just visiting” Jacksonville I will never know]

Him: So you got a boyfriend?

[at this point this is all I can think: http://youtu.be/lENx8iQFABE?t=36s]

Me: YES! Yes I do! (I am very confident about my imaginary boyfriend)

Him: Ok…ya ya; that makes sense…what he look like?

[WHAT?????]

Me: I don’t see how that’s any of your concern.

Him: Ok ok.

[so not only am I hot and sweating and gross and did I mention sweating? But now I’ve got this creepy guy asking me loads of questions! Also, this is all taking place over about 20 minutes, sometimes he would just stand on the sides of his treadmill and watch me creepily, other times he would be walking on the treadmill, but I mean not too fast...he had it set at an appropriate 1.3. That way he could get his fit on and ask me 227 questions at the same time without getting tired. I mean makes sense.]

Him: You listen to rap?

Me: On occasion! (the ! is to tell you that I am practically out of breath and patience at this point)

Him: O that’s cool….

[about 3 minutes pass. he’s just a walking along at speed 1.3]

Him: You think I got a big forehead?

Me: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?? AM I BEING PUNKED???

Him: What?

Me: I THINK YOU HAVE AN AVERAGE SIZED FOREHEAD, OK?

[Why is my life so hard?]

Then my jog was over and I could finally leave. For the logical and critical minds out there asking me why I didn’t leave earlier: my friend was there as well and I didn’t want to leave her with creepy man.  So basically as soon as she was done I ran away.

I told you all this story so you could better understand the struggle that is my life. I genuinely can’t meet a normal guy anywhere! I’ve met like 2 people that are normal since I started my online dating journey, but other than that…I’ve got nothing. Like seriously, even when I’m not looking for a guy it seems like all the creepy ones are explicitly searching for me. Sometimes I forget that there are normal guys out there! All I’m coming across are ones that do not understand social norms (i.e. jungle fever guy and this “let’s chit chat while you run” guy). I will persevere!...maybe.

O my.

The struggle is real.

xoxox,

Leigh